Wolf Moon

Tonight is the Wolf Moon... the full moon when the moon is closest to the earth. If you get a chance, go outside and observe its splendor. :) The moon is moving slowly away from the earth, so cherish its nearness while you are able.

Today we started re-introducing a kid to her mama. 2 days ago, when she was born, she lay cold and lifeless in the freezing temperature, her mom neglecting to clean her off. She was brought into the house and I gave her a warm bath, frantically rubbed her for 2 hours, and sucked out the mucus from her lungs with a nasal aspirator so that she could take her first breaths. Each moment seemed like an eternity, and I dared not hope she would survive the next 5 minutes. However, she kept improving, little by little, and after that first night, I breathed a sigh of relief and dared to let myself hope that she would make it. For the past 2 days, my husband and I have been feeding her her mother's milk from a bottle and keeping her in the living room beside a space heater. We didn't know if she would survive her first night, but now she is well enough that we moved her to the barn and are working on getting her reaquainted with her mama. It's a work in progress, but we have hope that she will become a goat again.

Also, around 3 hours ago, another little doe kid was born to a first time mom. They are bonding well so far although I have to go back down to the barn tonight and make sure the mama is letting her kid drink.

More than January 1st, this day feels like the new year for me. It's a day I feel strongly connected with the natural world, the seasons, the moon, and life. It's a day where a tiny new life entered the world, and also a day where another tiny new life was given a second chance to connect with who she is.

Yesterday, my (human) son said his first word, "hello!" and started to crawl.

I feel surrounded by babies, ready and eager to embrace their new world. Their enthusiasm has given me new eyes as well. I guess I'm a month late, but Happy New Year! :)

"My Sister's Farmhouse"

http://mysistersfarmhouse.com/

Just letting you know, this link has been added in the sidebar because I find it very honest and open and it touched me. I know how this woman feels, having been in the same situation before.

She doesn't allow comments, so you can't tell her how wonderful she is or how much you hate her, etc... I only wish that I could tell her how her blog made me smile. So, Author Of This New Blog I Found, if you are somewhere out in cyberspace reading this little note, I agree with your decision and I absolutely love your parable. :)

Free Will

Ah, my old friend, The Free Will Debate. This is a particularly nostalgic debate, because it was the stone that shattered my belief in Christianity. And now (the blog) All Considering is bringing it up again and causing me to ramble upon its familiar paths.

Background: I was raised in a faith based on a literal interpretation of the Bible. (a Lutheran denomination) And I became an enterprising young thinker and stumbled across the debate of Free Will that had so haunted Martin Luther. Only, instead of coming to his conclusion, (that God chooses who goes to Heaven, and man chooses who goes to Hell)... yes, that was his conclusion... I came to a different one. And that was that: Martin Luther was rationalizing his faith, basically copping out of answering that question, there is no evidence in the Bible itself (if one takes a literalist interpretation) to support the idea that man has free will.

So I began a year of my life where I believed (as the Bible literally teaches), that God chooses the destinies of man. I became angry at God, disillusioned, and surly. I did not want to go to Heaven, because I felt that if God causes some people to go to Hell he was not worth worshiping. Well, after that realization, I became disillusioned in the whole Bible and began a life filled with much less inner turmoil, abandoning the belief that the Bible is really all that great a book to base my life upon.

And now I come back to The Free Will Debate, but I realize that the options are not as clear-cut or limited as when I debated with myself as a Christian. And the debate seems vastly less important. After all, there is now (in my perspective) more to life than Heaven and Hell, there is a vast array of options and possibilities.

First of all, the terms have become substantially more vague. Who, or what, is the determining force behind predestination, if it exists? How can we prove that there is free will without knowing every detailed factor in each choice? How do we even define a choice? Some people do not see alternatives even though they are there. (For example, they think that leaving a relationship is their only solution to a specific problem.) In their own mind, they do not have a choice, even though externally they do. So not only do we have internal and external choices, but we have a million different "causes" for our actions. Society, genetics, God, karma, destiny, etc.

I do believe in free will, but obviously there are a lot of factors to be taken into account. Sometimes they come into conflict. Like, if society says I need to be a stick-thin girl, but my genetics gave me big bones and a healthy appetite. Which is more important? We base our decisions on what is important to us, which may or may not be determined at least in part by external factors. The fact remains that there is always a choice- the question is, how do human beings make choices? Some reason out the pros and cons, some go by impulse, some follow the advice and influence of others, some follow their own whims. Why do humans make choices in such different ways? What makes humans fundamentally different (or similar) to each other? What creates a person?

The question of free will is extremely hard to answer because anytime you try to delve into deep discussion about it, you end up stumped by impossible-to-answer questions like the previously mentioned ones.

So I'm interested in your opinions. Do you find The Free Will Debate to be an important one? An impossible one? Do you know all the answers? Please share. :)

Winter Wind

Winter Wind brings icey death
With long clutching fingers
And chill winter breath
The Snow blows over, like migrating sand
And buries the bodies under her hand
We see, we cry, we fall
We watch the seasons take their toll
Winter Wind brings peaceful death
To the tired and weak
The earth, longing for rest
Snow freezes in slumber the laboring ground
Giving life to the newborn, when spring comes around
We see, we cry, we move on
We live in spite of what has gone

Anger Storms

Well you've all heard, of course, that a woman's emotions flow up and down with the tide. Since this is the natural state of a woman's cycle, I would assume that it's that way for a reason.
However every once in a while, an inexplicable surge of anger takes hold, (my "Anger Storm") and makes it really difficult for me to find the patience I need to take care of my son, husband, animals, and anything else that needs to be done. I'm not sure why the anger comes- I've tried to pinpoint a reason, but there really doesn't seem to be anything that triggers it, except the fact that I am a wife and mother which means most of my day to day living is spent caring for others, taking care of their needs, and sometimes my patience just reaches its end. However, usually I can be patient and caring for a long, long time. When the anger storm comes, I just want to fight anything or anyone that tries to hold me back. Today it came again, and I ended up punching the barn wall in frustration while doing chores.
I'm not really sure why this happens and what I can do about it. I do a fair amount of yelling and cursing and resist the urge to lash out at living beings and instead take my anger out on objects. Usually it passes quickly and leaves me with a worn out feeling, and I end up crying for a minute and then going on with my normal life. I do occasionally take a day off from my caregiver duties to go relax and hang out with other people, so I'm not rest-deprived (well I am, but no more than any other new mom.) It seems to be something that just comes and goes, like PMS. And I'm not sure exactly what I can do about it, but it does occasionally leave me scratching my head and wondering why do I feel this way?

Politics and Labels

As someone whose political views are... questionably defined, I spend a lot of time trying to define them. :P Many people mix the terms "Republican," "Democrat," "Leftist," "Rightist," "Conservative," and "Liberal", and it's amazing how many people have no idea what the original definitions are. I will attempt to post their definitions (from actual dictionaries, lol) here, and let you define yourself, or others, accordingly.

The first thing you should realize is that modern Republicans and Democrats actually have little in common with their predecessors. These definitions are very, very, very simplified. That being said,
A "Republic" is, "A political order in which the supreme power lies in a body of citizens who are entitled to vote for officers and representatives responsible to them." (American Heritage Dictionary), and therefore a Republican's basic belief is that we should elect representatives to make decisions for us.
A "Democracy" is, "The common people, considered as the primary source of political power. Majority rule." (American Heritage Dictionary), and therefore a Democrat's basic belief is that the people should be as directly involved with government as possible, and that the majority should rule.

(Personally I find Republics to be corrupt in that elected representatives very rarely represent the actual interests of the people, and Democracies to be nothing but mob rule. So I am neither a Republican nor Democrat.)

Next are the terms "Conservative" and "Liberal" which are used far too often to portray concepts they don't represent.
"Conservative" is, "reluctant to accept change: in favor of preserving the status quo and traditional values and customs, and against abrupt change." (Encarta)
"Liberal" is, "broad-minded: tolerant of different views and standards of behavior in others. progressive politically or socially: favoring gradual reform, especially political reforms that extend democracy, distribute wealth more evenly, and protect the personal freedom of the individual"

(According to this definition, I am a Liberal, as I am very pro-change and pro-liberty. However I will only go so far in identifying with the "extending democracy" and "distributing wealth more evenly".)

Next are the terms "Leftist" and "Rightist".
The political Left is, roughly, "advocating political and social change: supporting liberal, socialist, or communist political and social changes or reform." (Encarta)
The political Right is, roughly, "a conservative or reactionary position, esp. one varying from moderate capitalism to fascism, or a party or group advocating this: often with the: from the position of the seats occupied in some European legislatures." (Webster)

(This seems to be more Socialism/Capitalism... in which I do not identify with either.)

So basically, all I can tell you is that I'm a political Liberal, and that only goes so far. :P The problem with these definitions is they represent mainstream extremes, and I am neither mainstream nor extreme. Oh well, that's the beauty of labels. :P

What about you?

(P.S. I used onelook.com to find dictionaries. The reason I didn't reference the same dictionary is that some have frustratingly ambiguous definitions, proving also that our dictionaries cannot always be relied upon.) Augh!

Battle Scars

When I was younger, I had a lot of self-image issues. As I made my way into adulthood, I began to slowly let those issues go and gained some semblance of acceptance of myself and the way I look and behave.
Through pregnancy, a lot of those old issues came back to haunt me. I was no longer able to maintain my athleticism, no longer a fit and youthful-looking woman, no longer "sexy," but most importantly, not able to do things I had formerly taken for granted, such as walking uphill without having to constantly stop for breath. Things like not being able to walk fast or, later, not being able to walk faster than a turtle! Things like not being able to lift heavy objects or exercise vigorously. I had to watch in dismay as by body not only began to change temporarily, but also change permanently!
After the baby, I've had to deal with these permanent changes. I've resented my body for growing wider- my ribcage had to expand, my stomach still carries a "pouch," my boobs have started to sag a little, and my hips have changed shape. Even worse, I've gained some rude little stretch marks on my belly and thighs!
Slowly, though, ever so slowly, I've come to not only accept my stretch marks and wider hips, but actually enjoy them! I think I'm probably the only person who actually LIKES my battle-scars, but I really think they don't look bad sitting there on my tummy. In fact I take a certain amount of pride in them. After all, I had to go through a lot to get them! My newfound hips are even kinda neat. Yes I look like a MOM, but after all I'm SUPPOSED to. Even though those ads for slim stretch-mark-free tummies would have me believe I need to gain "perfection" in order to be attractive, I don't believe them. I take pride in the fact that I see beauty in uniqueness, not in sameness.
Slowly, but surely, I've been letting go of my need to be "perfect" and gaining pride and confidence in my "imperfect" self. What concepts do you need to let go of in order to be happy with yourself as a person?