Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Winter Wind

Winter Wind brings icey death
With long clutching fingers
And chill winter breath
The Snow blows over, like migrating sand
And buries the bodies under her hand
We see, we cry, we fall
We watch the seasons take their toll
Winter Wind brings peaceful death
To the tired and weak
The earth, longing for rest
Snow freezes in slumber the laboring ground
Giving life to the newborn, when spring comes around
We see, we cry, we move on
We live in spite of what has gone

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Anger Storms

Well you've all heard, of course, that a woman's emotions flow up and down with the tide. Since this is the natural state of a woman's cycle, I would assume that it's that way for a reason.
However every once in a while, an inexplicable surge of anger takes hold, (my "Anger Storm") and makes it really difficult for me to find the patience I need to take care of my son, husband, animals, and anything else that needs to be done. I'm not sure why the anger comes- I've tried to pinpoint a reason, but there really doesn't seem to be anything that triggers it, except the fact that I am a wife and mother which means most of my day to day living is spent caring for others, taking care of their needs, and sometimes my patience just reaches its end. However, usually I can be patient and caring for a long, long time. When the anger storm comes, I just want to fight anything or anyone that tries to hold me back. Today it came again, and I ended up punching the barn wall in frustration while doing chores.
I'm not really sure why this happens and what I can do about it. I do a fair amount of yelling and cursing and resist the urge to lash out at living beings and instead take my anger out on objects. Usually it passes quickly and leaves me with a worn out feeling, and I end up crying for a minute and then going on with my normal life. I do occasionally take a day off from my caregiver duties to go relax and hang out with other people, so I'm not rest-deprived (well I am, but no more than any other new mom.) It seems to be something that just comes and goes, like PMS. And I'm not sure exactly what I can do about it, but it does occasionally leave me scratching my head and wondering why do I feel this way?

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Politics and Labels

As someone whose political views are... questionably defined, I spend a lot of time trying to define them. :P Many people mix the terms "Republican," "Democrat," "Leftist," "Rightist," "Conservative," and "Liberal", and it's amazing how many people have no idea what the original definitions are. I will attempt to post their definitions (from actual dictionaries, lol) here, and let you define yourself, or others, accordingly.

The first thing you should realize is that modern Republicans and Democrats actually have little in common with their predecessors. These definitions are very, very, very simplified. That being said,
A "Republic" is, "A political order in which the supreme power lies in a body of citizens who are entitled to vote for officers and representatives responsible to them." (American Heritage Dictionary), and therefore a Republican's basic belief is that we should elect representatives to make decisions for us.
A "Democracy" is, "The common people, considered as the primary source of political power. Majority rule." (American Heritage Dictionary), and therefore a Democrat's basic belief is that the people should be as directly involved with government as possible, and that the majority should rule.

(Personally I find Republics to be corrupt in that elected representatives very rarely represent the actual interests of the people, and Democracies to be nothing but mob rule. So I am neither a Republican nor Democrat.)

Next are the terms "Conservative" and "Liberal" which are used far too often to portray concepts they don't represent.
"Conservative" is, "reluctant to accept change: in favor of preserving the status quo and traditional values and customs, and against abrupt change." (Encarta)
"Liberal" is, "broad-minded: tolerant of different views and standards of behavior in others. progressive politically or socially: favoring gradual reform, especially political reforms that extend democracy, distribute wealth more evenly, and protect the personal freedom of the individual"

(According to this definition, I am a Liberal, as I am very pro-change and pro-liberty. However I will only go so far in identifying with the "extending democracy" and "distributing wealth more evenly".)

Next are the terms "Leftist" and "Rightist".
The political Left is, roughly, "
advocating political and social change: supporting liberal, socialist, or communist political and social changes or reform." (Encarta)
The political Right is, roughly, "
a conservative or reactionary position, esp. one varying from moderate capitalism to fascism, or a party or group advocating this: often with the: from the position of the seats occupied in some European legislatures." (Webster)

(This seems to be more Socialism/Capitalism... in which I do not identify with either.)

So basically, all I can tell you is that I'm a political Liberal, and that only goes so far. :P The problem with these definitions is they represent mainstream extremes, and I am neither mainstream nor extreme. Oh well, that's the beauty of labels. :P

What about you?

(P.S. I used onelook.com to find dictionaries. The reason I didn't reference the same dictionary is that some have frustratingly ambiguous definitions, proving also that our dictionaries cannot always be relied upon.) Augh!

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Battle Scars

When I was younger, I had a lot of self-image issues. As I made my way into adulthood, I began to slowly let those issues go and gained some semblance of acceptance of myself and the way I look and behave.
Through pregnancy, a lot of those old issues came back to haunt me. I was no longer able to maintain my athleticism, no longer a fit and youthful-looking woman, no longer "sexy," but most importantly, not able to do things I had formerly taken for granted, such as walking uphill without having to constantly stop for breath. Things like not being able to walk fast or, later, not being able to walk faster than a turtle! Things like not being able to lift heavy objects or exercise vigorously. I had to watch in dismay as by body not only began to change temporarily, but also change permanently!
After the baby, I've had to deal with these permanent changes. I've resented my body for growing wider- my ribcage had to expand, my stomach still carries a "pouch," my boobs have started to sag a little, and my hips have changed shape. Even worse, I've gained some rude little stretch marks on my belly and thighs!
Slowly, though, ever so slowly, I've come to not only accept my stretch marks and wider hips, but actually enjoy them! I think I'm probably the only person who actually LIKES my battle-scars, but I really think they don't look bad sitting there on my tummy. In fact I take a certain amount of pride in them. After all, I had to go through a lot to get them! My newfound hips are even kinda neat. Yes I look like a MOM, but after all I'm SUPPOSED to. Even though those ads for slim stretch-mark-free tummies would have me believe I need to gain "perfection" in order to be attractive, I don't believe them. I take pride in the fact that I see beauty in uniqueness, not in sameness.
Slowly, but surely, I've been letting go of my need to be "perfect" and gaining pride and confidence in my "imperfect" self. What concepts do you need to let go of in order to be happy with yourself as a person?