Realization

I realize that all my tendencies take the path of expansion.  Whenever I get excited about something, it’s something that is A. new, and B. going to expand my life in one way or the other.  Expand my family.  Expand my experiences.  Expand my home.  Expand my farm.  Expand my consciousness.  Expand my morality.  Expand my perspective.  

I yearn for a larger experience.  I want my life to count for more.  I want to embrace more of life.  I long for a life where I am constantly challenging my limitations and broadening my horizons.  Sometimes that leaves me with too much to do.  Sometimes that leaves me overwhelmed.  Those are the negatives.  The positives are, that I have the capacity to love and learn on an even greater level, that I am not only expanding my own experiences, but that of my children (and, reluctantly, my husband.)  Some of us live in a little box of familiarity.  Some of us travel in and out of the box.  Some of us avoid boxes altogether, and drift hither and thither.  I want to stretch my box as far as it will go, and move it occasionally from one place to another.  I don’t just want to see the world, I want to become intimately connected with it.  I yearn for that deeper connection.

Expansion is not always a positive thing, I know.  But, it is what I was meant to do- to stretch boundaries, to question, to experience, to understand.  And I see that as my purpose in life… and now that I have kids, to expand their understanding, experience, and perspective as well.  How much does life have to offer?  I want to find out.