Saturday, July 18, 2009

So While I'm Re-Examining My Life...

Lately I've been wondering why I chose to live way out here in the middle of agricultural Wisconsin. Mostly because phil asked me that question and I never really thought about it. (Thanks, phil) :P Living on a farm had always been a childhood dream of mine... well not necessarily a farm... anywhere with lots of space, wildlife, room for animals, etc... mostly because I enjoy the company of animals. And I'm not really sure why. Maybe because they're more predictable than people? For the most part, they are no more and no less interested in me than other people. Like people, they tend to either ignore me completely, beg for handouts or favors, or run away in terror. Few seem to actually enjoy my company unless they're being fed or petted. (Not unlike human beings.)

You'd think that humans, having a deeper capacity for rational thought would differ more in behavior from animals. But no, the most startling difference between animals and people is that people are often embarrassed or judgmental about perfectly natural things, like defecating and fucking. Which, I guess, is a perfectly understandable reason for me to prefer animals. I like to live in a world where what shoes I wear, who I choose to fuck, what profane or nonsensical words come out of my mouth, whether or not I'm clothed, etc... doesn't matter in the slightest. I could do chores completely in the nude and the animals wouldn't give a shit. (But, alas, the neighbors would, which saddens me greatly because I often like to be nude. Oh well.) There's a definite freedom to being able to swear and kick things when I'm angry, or go out to the garden and pick some lettuce or raspberries when I'm hungry, or just sit on a hillside and swat at mosquitoes if I have the masochistic urge to do so.

Or light a bonfire. Or shoot a gun. Or throw knives. Or set up a tent and camp out. Or practice martial arts in the front lawn. Or drive on the lawn. Or listen to really loud music.

Oh yeah, I forgot about all those reasons.

I guess sometimes I take my freedom for granted. Not surprised, since everyone pretty much does. The truth is, I think I could adjust to life in the city pretty well. I pretty much hated Rochester when I lived there, but there are some things I miss. Like access to hobby-type stuff like martial arts, art, theater, stuff like that. I don't really mind driving 45 minutes to get to a Wall Mart or movie theater or resteraunt, but I do feel frustrated that there are no martial arts studios within reasonable distance, or with reasonable membership fees. Since there's no one around to dress up for, I don't often pay particular attention to my appearance. Who really cares? Then again, when I do something fun with my appearance such as color my hair or put together a nifty outfit, there's no one to show it off to. Sometimes I feel like I'm missing out on... whatever it is people do in the city. Drink? Attend fancy parties? Go clubbing? Text each other about the drama in their lives? Swear at people in their car? Go shopping?
I guess.
Yay for all the social interaction I'm missing out on... :D And since I feel out of place in most social settings, I think I'd get depressed pretty damn easily in any other setting but here. Nothing a little booze wouldn't fix, but I don't drink, so... that pretty much settles that. Oh I guess I'm getting better about socializing. I don't run to a corner and curl up in a fetal ball and snarl at anyone who comes near me... anymore... so I guess that's an improvement. Still, it exhausts me. I always feel like I'm being put on the spot, even if I'm not. Something I'm working on. But either way, my present life suits me just fine. :)

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